What to give at an Orthodox christening when you are a guest

The message I get most often is not from a parent or a godparent. It is from a workmate, a cousin's partner, someone from the netball team. They have been invited to a christening, they are not Orthodox, and they have been told nothing beyond the date and the church. They want to know if they are meant to bring something, and if so what, and whether it is rude to ask.

It is not rude to ask. But I know most people won't. So here is what I tell them.

What guests usually give

For most of the families I make for, guests give the child something, not the parents. Money in a card is the most common, and nobody thinks less of it. In a lot of Greek and Serbian families it is expected, and the amount depends on how close you are. I won't put a number on it, because every family has a different one and I would only get you in trouble.

Gold is the other traditional one. A small cross on a chain, a bracelet, a pair of earrings for a girl. Older relatives tend to go this way. If you are a colleague or a friend, you do not need to.

The third option is a keepsake with the child's name on it. Something that gets used or kept, rather than something that is opened and forgotten. This is the part I actually know about, because it is what I make.

Ask the parents if you are unsure. Every family does this differently and they will not mind being asked. Some will say "just come", and they mean it.

What a guest can buy from me

I keep the guest pieces small on purpose. The big items on the day are the godparent's job, which I will get to, so a guest gift should sit alongside them without competing.

The first curl box is the one I sell most to guests. It is a small box for the baby's first cut hair, personalised with an initial. It is $20. It gets used months later, when the parents finally get around to that first haircut and realise they have nowhere to put the curl.

The brush and comb set is $25, also with an initial. Practical, sits on the change table, gets used every day.

The acrylic hanger with the name in gold is $30. It is for the christening outfit, which most families keep after the day, and it means the outfit hangs in the wardrobe with the child's name on it rather than on a plastic hanger from the shop.

The Sheridan towel is $110 with the name and a cross embroidered. This one sits at the top of the guest range and it is the one I would choose if you are close to the family and want to give one thing that is properly good. The towel is used at the baptism itself, so check with the parents first that nobody else has it covered.

All the personalised pieces are on the christening page. Every one of them needs the name spelt exactly as the family spells it, which brings me to the next part.

Get the spelling from the parents, not from Facebook

I say this in every post and I will keep saying it. Names in Orthodox families are often spelt two or three ways. The child may be Katerina on the birth certificate and Katarina to half the relatives. Nikola and Nicholas can both be right. A guest who guesses the spelling, orders a personalised gift, and gets it wrong has spent money on something the family will quietly put in a drawer.

Message the parents. Ask them how they want it written. If they say "either", pick the one on the invitation. I confirm every personalisation with the buyer before I make anything, so if you have the spelling wrong we can fix it then, but only if you check first.

What not to buy

Do not buy a candle. The godparent brings the candle. It is their gift and in most families it is the main thing they are responsible for. A second candle turning up from a guest is awkward for everyone, and the family ends up with a decorated candle nobody knows what to do with. I have been asked to make a candle by a guest more than once and I always ask who the godparent is first.

Do not buy a cross either, for the same reason. The cross that is put on the child at the baptism usually comes from the godparent, sometimes chosen with the parents. If you want to give gold, give a bracelet or earrings, or ask.

Do not buy an outfit. The white clothes for the day are already sorted, usually by the parents or the godparent. A gift outfit in a bigger size for later is fine if you know the family well.

And do not feel you need to match what the godparent spent. You are not meant to. The godparent has a job on the day and their gifts reflect that. A guest brings something small and shows up.

Timing

Personalised pieces take time because I make them to order and confirm the name with you first. Do not order the week of the christening. If you are cutting it fine, contact me before you buy and I will tell you whether there is time. Sometimes the answer is no, and it is better to hear that than to have the box arrive after the day.

If you are the godparent and you have ended up on this post by mistake, your list is longer. The christening page covers what you are usually expected to bring.