What the godparent buys for an Orthodox christening

Last month a woman messaged me at eleven at night. Her cousin had asked her to be koumbara. The christening was in five weeks. Her message was one line: what am I meant to buy?

I get some version of this most weeks. Sometimes it is a kum who has been told "just the candle and the cross" and is not sure what that means in practice. Sometimes it is a parent trying to work out what to leave for the godparent and what to sort themselves. Here is the list I send back, and the two questions I tell everyone to ask before they order anything.

Ask the parents first

Every family does this differently. In some, the godparent buys everything on this list. In others, the parents buy the outfit and the towel and the godparent brings the candle and the cross. In a few, the grandmother has already bought half of it and nobody has told you.

So before you buy a thing, ask the parents what they are expecting from you. Not in a vague way. Go through the list below with them and put a name against each item. It takes five minutes and it stops you turning up with a second towel.

Ask the priest second

The parents will tell you what the family does. The priest will tell you what the parish needs on the day. Most parishes want the same handful of things, but some have their own way of doing the oil, or want a plainer candle, or have a rule about the cross. One phone call to the church office sorts it. I can only tell you what most families around here bring. Your priest is the one who knows what yours needs.

The list

The candle. This is the one everyone agrees is the godparent's. You carry it during the service and the family keeps it afterwards. Mine come in seven colours, from $80 to $130 AUD, every one finished with an Orthodox cross. Families usually match it to the outfit. If you don't know the outfit colour yet, ask, because you will not want to guess. The full range is on the christening candles page.

The cross. The small cross the child wears from the day of the baptism. In most families this is the godparent's too, and it is the piece people worry about most. A jeweller's gold cross and chain is what many families buy, and I don't make those. What I make is a personalised acrylic cross with the child's name, which comes as part of my luxury bundle. It is a keepsake cross, not a wearing cross. If the family wants the child to wear a cross from the service, that is a jeweller's job, and it is worth asking the parents which they mean.

The oil or holy water bottle. A small glass bottle for the oil, or for holy water from the day. Mine are $25 AUD and personalised with the name and a cross. Some parishes supply the oil and want the bottle handed to the priest beforehand. Ask.

The towel. The child is dried with it after the immersion and it goes home with the family. I embroider a Sheridan towel with the name and a cross for $110 AUD. This one is often the parents' rather than the godparent's, so put a name against it.

The white outfit. The clothes the child is dressed in after the baptism. Usually the godparent, sometimes split with the parents, and this is where families vary most. I don't make outfits. What I do make is an acrylic hanger with the name in gold for $30 AUD, which is what people use to keep the outfit on afterwards.

That is the list. Candle, cross, oil bottle, towel, outfit. Anything else people bring, like a first curl box or a brush and comb set, is a gift rather than a requirement, and any guest can bring those. If you are the godparent, you have enough on your plate.

The bundle, if you want one decision instead of five

If you are the godparent and you want to buy the candle and the cross together, made to match, that is what the bundle is for. It has the personalised acrylic cross with the child's name, a candle in the same finish, and the accessories, for $350 AUD. Neutral, pink or blue.

The bundle is not better than buying the pieces separately. It is the same candle and the same cross. It is easier, because the cross and candle are made together so the colours match, and because it is one order instead of three. Whether that matters depends on how much time you have. The full list of what is in it is on the christening gifts page.

Timing

The godmother who messaged me at eleven at night had five weeks. That was fine. Here is what I tell people:

• Personalised pieces need the name confirmed before I start. I send the spelling back to you and wait for a yes. That round trip takes a day if you are quick and a week if you are not. Build it in.
• Get the name from the parents in writing. Not over the phone. Half the corrections I make are because a name was heard as Jelena and was meant to be Yelena, and a cross with the wrong spelling is not something I can fix after it is made.
• Order the candle once you know the outfit colour. That usually means once the parents have bought the outfit. If they are slow, pick a neutral candle and stop waiting.
• Post takes as long as Australia Post takes. I post everything from home in Australia and I can't promise a day. Leave a margin.

What you don't need to buy

A second candle. The candle is one candle and it is yours to bring. Guests sometimes turn up with one and it sits in a cupboard.

An icon, unless the family has asked for one. Some families do this, but it is not a standard godparent item and the priest may have views on which icon.

If you have gone through the list with the parents and still have a question about what to order, send it through the contact page with the child's name spelt exactly as it should appear.